Stop: Hammer Time

Some days, you see something, and you know that it is a good day. So what could be funnier than driving up to a STOP sign, only to see written underneath "Hammer Time!"??

Possibly the news that a midget was eaten by a hippo adorning the front page of the paper might bring more mirth, but still, one cannot argue that Hammer is always good for a laugh. (Note: a midget who was part of a circus act actually was eaten accidentally by a hippo a few years back - I didn't make that up).

I bought a case for my laptop to keep it safe (woot) and I have been setting up random Dashboard widgets (for those of you with windows, you can basically push a button on a mac and bring up a series of widgets that overlay whatever you happen to be working on at that present time - weather, international time-zones, wiki/google bars, etc are common), and I managed to get one that syncs with my iCal, which in turn syncs with my iPhone. Aaah, convenience. :D Thank you Apple, you cunning marketers, you!

Anyway, on an unrelated note, I also got some Jelly Beans at a special lolly store at The Junction, and they are awesome.

Not sure that there is much more to report, other than that I am a little stressed with uni work that I have once again ignored until it was too late to being without stressing. Aah, the irony of it all. Procrastinators, as they say, are the rulers of tomorrow.

Anyway. Have a nice night.

Am Tired, Will Sleep

Have you ever been at the point of being super tired, having nothing to stay awake for, and yet find yourself inexplicably drawn to the idea of staying up doing nothing for a little longer, if only to stretch out the last vestiges of the day.

That's where I'm at presently. I am incredibly tired, after having a huge weekend working and socialising, and I am ready for bed. And yet, despite the fact that I just yawned a yawn large enough to break my jaw and/or lose Tasmania in, I want to be awake.

Considering watching Dexter... It's always fun. Need something to nibble on though. I wonder if we have any fruit salad... Mmm. I could go some right about now.

Oh! And, in random news, Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" came in as the No.1 Greatest Song of All Time in Triple J's Hottest Hundred of All Time contest. I was pegging Bohemian Rhapsody or Thriller. Oh well. At least it's a good song. Not like No.2 - Killing in the Name by Rage Against the Machine. I'm sorry, but if you like the song, then you're an idiot. It's crude, vulgar, and utterly untalented. That's right. I just dissed Rage Against the Machine. What are you going to do about it?

See? Told you I was rambling aimlessly along the path to sleep. In an unrelated note, I've been doing a lot of thinking about my dark fantasy stories, and have come up with a number of interesting additions in terms of fleshing out the theoretical background.

Again, unrelated but in my mind at present is the absence of China Mieville's new book "Kraken" that was meant to come out almost a year ago, but I can't seem to locate. If you've never read Mieville, I recommend him - brilliant writing style. Read "Perdido Street Station" for the best fantasy read you'll have had in years.

Uh. Just ran out of steam. Off to bed. Night all.

Hmm...

Just saw a picture of Depp as the Mad Hatter in the upcoming Tim Burton-directed version of Alice in Wonderland. Can't say I am that impressed by it... No doubt the film will be marlvellous - how could it not be? But that said, I wasn't thrilled with the look they have for Depp. Pity.

Days of Our Lives

So, I thought (for lack of anything else to write, but out of a desire to write something before bed) I would tell you about my day.

I worked today, which was nothing out of the ordinary, apart from one peculiar request for a coffee, with the coffee on the side. That's right- they wanted a cap, but with the shot of espresso in a little jug on the side. Go figure... I can just make it weak, people! I felt a little like Jackson Pollock, being asked to paint like Dali.

Anyway. It was a long day. By about 1:30pm, I felt ready to fall asleep; by 2:00pm, I felt ready to die; by 3:30pm, I was half certain that I was actually dead, but was still working nonetheless.

About 4, I got home, and stumbled into bed. I slept 'til about 6, when I arose with a leap and a bound, and went out to tea with a mate (Ed - he's big, wears glasses, and if you're single, and into nice blokes [and are female] would probably like to hear from you. He asked me to set him up :P). After that, I went over to another mate's (Jono's) and had good conversation and Halo 3-playing. All in all, a good day.

Thinking I might watch an episode of Dexter before bed. My eyes are a little sore, which is unfortunate, because my brain is incredibly active, due to my afternoon siesta.

Hope you're all having a great weekend.

A Truthful Tale of Artful Lies

I was recently confronted by someone convinced they had caught me in the act of a blantant lie. Indeed they had, although, they had missed the purpose - It was a joke. See, the "lie" in question was me pretending to be drunk at around 10am to my cousin, whom I was on the phone to. It was part of a much longer-running joke regarding the drunken nature of university life.

Now, the person in question did not know this, and essentially thought I was lying for whatever reason. The thing is though, I do it frequently. Not usually anything big. Or even really untrue. It's just in my nature as a storyteller to embellish any story I might be telling in order to make it more engaging and amusing. I don't think that's a bad thing.

In fact, I think it's a bad thing when people tell truthful, boring stories. Nothing kills the mood at a gathering of any description than when someone tells a totally boring story that has the amusement value of a half-brick. My brother once came out with a rare pearl of tradies wisdom: "Never let the truth get in the way of a good story." I think it's fair enough.

I value truth and whatnot as much as the next person (assuming that the next person isn't Kevin Rudd or any of the "journalists" from Today Tonight), but I have to say, as someone who writes stories, and makes things up, I think taking a little creative license with a story is fine. Especially if it makes it more inclined to get a chuckle.

Blake out.

New Mac, Criticisim of Awful "Films" and Vin Diesel's Dubious Acting Abilities

Contrary to what the title may suggest, I am going to begin by talking about Vin Diesel. Well, not about him, per se, but about Babylon AD. Awful film. Insanely bad, in fact. I spent the first fifteen minutes wanting to cry, then I turned it off. I read a comment about 10 minutes ago on a forum that related to this movie. It said (verbatim): "In the future, Vin Diesel cannot act!!" I would like to point out that he can't act in the present, nor, indeed, the past.

Moving on... I finally got my new MacBook. I really love it. It's a wonderful little machine, and OSX is grand. Hurrah!

Now, onto Transformers 2. I wanted to not talk about it. I want to completely forget about it. I can't. Let me spin you a tale of woe.

I went to see Transformers 2 when it came out. Couple of weeks ago. Now, I had promised my mate Shaun that I would see it with him, but he was sick on opening night, so I went anyway, figuring I would be fine to see it again. It was awful. Now my sense of decency, and the fact that my word still means something led me to line up again on Tuesday night just gone to see this woeful piece of film.

Now, people have said "It's a Michael Bay film, its meant to have no plot...etc" Now. I would say, fair enough, but the fact is, we can't make excuses for rubbish movies because of the director. No-one said "Oh, no, killing Jews is just Hitler's thing..." Because you can't explain things away.

People also have a dig at me routinely for bagging movies. And I do, with startling frequency, it must be said. But that's because there are a lot of crap movies coming out. All the time.

Now, in fairness to me, I watch more movies than most people. By a long shot. And I've spent the last 4 years of my life doing a degree on Literature and film, and deconstruction of characters, plot, scenes, etc, comes naturally to me as a result. Think about your passion, hobby, profession, whatever. When you see an awful example of that, do you critique it? My oath you do. My hobby, passion, and profession just happens to revolve around what most people do for entertainment.

So when I see a film that is awful, I say something. When, however, that gem of a movie comes out, that is wholly brilliant, I praise, laud, salute, etc it for all I'm worth. The problem is, people are making worse and worse films, predominantly because they get away with it. It's in everyone's iterest to bag crap movies, and reserve excitement for the good ones. Its like natural selection - the weak will eventually die off, leaving better movies for everyone.

Watch Star Trek.

It rocked.

Musings

So I finished reading the novel "Wicked", by Gregory Maguire the other evening. It was brilliant. It's not often that I can unreservedly recommend a novel to people, but this was an amazing, witty, clever read that was honestly one of the best fantasy books I've read in a long time. Read it. You won't regret it.

Also, I am waiting impatiently for my new laptop to arrive. Damn postal services in Australia. About 6 months ago, I ordered a book from the fantastic website Subterranean Press (they publish science fiction, and weird fiction, and fantasy, all in beautiful editions). I ordered it on the Friday of one week, and it arrived at my door the following Wednesday. Now, is something can come from America with such speed, then I ask you, why does it take Australia's internal mail service longer to send something up the coast?

Here are 3 random facts about me:

1. I have a sore right shoulder at the moment, as a result of sleeping oddly.

2. I think Ultraviolet is an awful film. So bad, it makes me want to cry, and then stab myself in the eye. With a Spawn figurine.

3. I hate writing on lined paper. It annoys me. I hate feeling constricted. So for years (all through uni) I have used art books instead of lecture pads, and as a result, have got much more interesting notes than everyone else. Ever.

The News In Brief

It has taken me rather a long time to realise that there is, in fact, no-one currently in Parliament fit to lead this country (Australia, for any overseas visitors).

It's fast becoming my opinion that (apart from Joe Hockey, who is awesome, and has an awesome name) everyone in Canberra, from top to bottom, is woefully inept at their jobs, and the country is suffering greatly under the yoke of Rudd and Swan's incompetence. It can't be mistaken - or hidden - any longer.

Anyway, of more immediate interest is the death of Michael Jackson. People have been ranting and raving about how he was an awful person, etc, and to be honest, I'm a bit sick of it. Fact is, peeps, that he was told he was practically God from before he was 10, was paid insane amounts of money, and had people worship him. Now, given that not many people experience this, I think it's a fair thing to say: "Don't Judge."

More importantly that his character flaws (or, eccentricities, as they could more accurately be described) was the incredible scope, power, and brilliance of his music. People have also been crapping on about how "heaps of people die every day, what makes this one so special?" Well, you ignorant tossers, quite aside from being one of the most successful entertainers of all time, his music touched the lives of millions of people, across decades, and generations. That's why.

To be fair, it was a good career-saving move. Everyone knows that you become more popular as a musician after death. Just ask Jeff Buckley. Hallelujah.

It's Moments Like These...

This post is rather short. In fact, all I really have to say, is that the Minties "artist" "Jeremy" really needs to get his act together, and make some more Mintie wrapper cartoons. Here follows a list of circumstances that fit the slogan "It's moments like these you need Minties"...

1. People sitting around a television, watching the election result and seeing Kevin Rudd won the damn thing.

2. A bunyip has eaten a dog (in which instance, he needs to freshen his breath).

3. MacGuyver has made a helicopter out of string, a stocking with holes in it, and a broken DVD player, and has adbucted your Mum.

4. You come out of the tattooist with 54 stars on your face, claiming to have fallen asleep, only to later withdraw the statement, and admit to actually being so stupid as to want 54 stars on your face.

5. You realise you've run out of Minties.

So get to it, Jeremy! I've done the hard work for you!

It has been a while

Hi peeps. It has been a long while since I've had the inclination to blog anything. But, the time has come, and I have made a return.

The cause of this return is (as usual) a rant. My rant this evening has to do with people who cannot order a standard dish/drink/whatever when they go out into the world of restaurants and eateries, and instead feel the need to throw away the conformity and safety of a menu for some derring-do of their own creation.

Not happy people! There is a reason menus exist - it's what cafes and restaurants are prepared to serve you. No, you may not have olives with that. I'm afraid it doesn't come with bacon, no, but to be honest, you hardly appear to need it. I'm sure you'd like me to put hundreds and thousands on your babycino, but then I'd like to be Emperor of the World with a TARDIS and a cool hat.

So next time you find yourself about to annoy some poor waiter, chef, cook, barista, please, know this - they judge you. In kitchens, behind coffee bars, we do silently mock the strange things you order. It's insidious: you'll never know. But it happens. "Imagine the hide", one such conversation may go "they wanted NO FROTH AT ALL on their flat white. You can't make good creamy milk without froth. Philistines."

Also, it's worth noting that saying "Oh, I'm sorry to be a pain, but..." does not actually make the process of sorting out your idiotic dish any easier that it otherwise would be. It's like assuming that if the guards at Auschwitz had apologised before torturing the Jews, then all would have been well. And we all know that's not the case.

Over and out. Hope you're all well.

Blake.